Think about people in your life that you love to be around. You feel happy, energized, and uplifted when you are with them. Those relationships are the ones you want to nurture and grow. Spending more time with people that you love to be with can fulfill you and bring you joy. At the same time, there are relationships that suck the positive energy right out of you, leaving you feeling frustrated, drained, and unhappy.

Negative people are all around us. Some call them Energy Vampires; others just call them difficult people. Those relationships decrease our energy level, leaving us wondering why, again, we allow them to drain us.

Question: Why do other people drain your energy, and what can you do about it?

Short answer: Other people drain your energy because you allow them to and because your energy tank is running on empty, leaving you without the fuel you need to deal with them.

Short solution: Shift your focus from trying to change other people and instead focus on making yourself feeling better. Fill up your tank so you feel energized and in your power, empowering you to keep a positive attitude and be peaceful and centered in your reactions.

Now let’s dive deeper into understanding the concept of allowing others to drain our energy and what to do about it.

Question: Why do other people drain your energy, and what can you do about it?

Longer answer: Relationships are a constant energy exchange. Although we have no control over other people, we definitely have control over our own thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and reactions. When we bring judgment, criticism, or blame into our interactions with others, we attract the same type of negative energy back to us. In other words, we invite more of the same vibe we project. The concept of “energy attracts like energy” means that when we change our attitude it changes the whole relationship dynamic.

So, how do you change your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and reactions? Awareness is the first step. When you resent another person, ask yourself, “what are they are here to teach me and what are they are mirroring back to me?” Focus on the blessings and the lessons that interacting with this person brings to you. Remember that you don’t have to give your power away to others – unless you choose to.

Growing up, I was miserable and unhappy. I didn’t have good role models for taking charge of my own happiness. In fact, the roles were a bit reversed, where I felt responsible for my parents’ happiness and I felt guilty and blamed myself when they were unhappy. No wonder that even as an adult I didn’t know that I can actually be happy if I decide to and that nobody has the power to take my happiness away from me! My suffering ended one day when I discovered that it is all in MY hands and I started making the shift from blaming everybody else for my misery to changing how I think and feel.

Solution in depth:

If your relationship pattern is blaming others for the fact that you are drained, when you stop the blame-game and start changing yourself first, you are moving from problem to solution. Taking responsibility is a positive action. Choosing to blame is a negative one.

Here are 3 ways to feel less drained and more in your power so your energy remains positive, regardless of what is going on around you:

1. Balance GIVING with RECEIVING.
   Many people are more comfortable taking care of others than taking care of themselves. The truth is that you cannot develop your relationships with others before developing the most important relationship – the one with yourself. Many women I work with grow up believing it is selfish to take care of themselves first. Feeling selfish is simply an expression of unhealthy guilt. Filling up your tank daily is important because only when your tank is full can you then be in service for others.
2. Balance DOING with BEING.
   In today’s world many people go, go, go all day long, and life often feels overwhelming. It is normal to become reactionary, impatient, and short-tempered when you focus on achievement, productivity, and getting things done without breaks or rest. I start my day with 15 minutes of self-Reiki and meditation, and I believe that my daily BEING practice helps me be less reactive to other people’s behavior and helps me keep my energy reserves stored when I am DOING. 
3. Balance SERIOUSNESS with FUN.
   Even though I was aware that changing my attitude changes the way I interact with others, I still made too much effort and worked really hard at everything, including my relationships. For the last few years, I have been focusing on lightening things up and having a more playful attitude toward life in general and to my interactions with people. You will be amazed to see how much better you feel about your interactions with others when you give yourself permission to have fun and enjoy every single moment. Here are some ideas on how to lighten up your life.

Living and working with other people will always present challenges, but there are many ways that we can learn to deal with negative situations and negative people. Adopting some of the practices presented here will help you significantly change your interactions so even those that you perhaps used to dread can become energizing. Start with yourself and feel the energy shift. Don’t let another day go by allowing anyone to drain you!