I already maintained a daily spiritual practice of self-Reiki and meditation when my mother passed away too young at age 65. But her death 14 years ago this week became an important milestone for me and a significant part of my spiritual path.
I want to share this story of my spiritual evolution because I know that there are women out there who, just like I experienced, wish to be on a spiritual path but have lost their way. If I can bring hope to even one person out there, I will be grateful!
My mom was talented, creative, and strong. She let nothing get in her way. Her talents, creative spirit, and inner strength are gifts I am grateful she passed on to me. But happiness and joy were not part of the deal.
I don’t think I ever saw my mom happy. There was always a sense of effort, hard work, and pushing through life in our house when I was growing up. My mother was a Holocaust survivor, and “surviving” became her middle name. A series of traumas she experienced at age four made her a woman who always looked over her shoulder, lived in fear, and never allowed joy to distract her from her pain. It was almost as if she carried an invisible flag that said, “What’s the next bad thing that is going to happen?! I’m ready!” We didn’t talk much about her past. In our family, emotions were meant to be suppressed.
My mom did not take good care of herself. She had her first heart attack when she was 55 and remained ill thereafter. Seeing her suffer made me feel hopeless, helpless, and lost. I knew she was angry, scared, and lonely. I didn’t know how to deal with her pain, and I hated that I – a healer, a mentor, and a life coach – could not help her. I couldn’t accept the possibility that she might die without ever reaching a place of true happiness.
When she passed, I spiraled down into a very dark place. At one moment during her funeral, the sense of fear I experienced was too much for me to handle, even in a physical way. I felt like I had no air, and all the organs in my body felt tight and shrunk. I couldn’t stand the fact that none of us in her life could fix things for her. I could not stand the fact that God didn’t fix things for her. Back then, I had no idea that it was part of her spiritual journey to live the way she did and that it was her choice to live the way she lived and to transition when she did. This spiritual understanding came later.
Did it ever happen to you, beloved, that you had to hit bottom before you truly started to heal? That’s exactly what happened to me.
My mom’s passing became a spiritual awakening and began the next evolution of my spiritual journey, in which I came to understand that bad things happen just because that’s life, but once they happen, we can bring purpose to our pain and learn a spiritual lesson.
The spiritual lesson my mom taught me in her passing was to accept that we have no control over other people’s lives. We cannot fix things for others, and we must allow other people to find THEIR way and walk THEIR spiritual path. But I had to ask for guidance from God to get through the confusion and the feelings of disconnection to realize that it was in MY hands to release the pain and the fear, to turn my life around, and to start living at full power.
Now, 14 years later, I help other women take the next evolution of their spiritual path, bring purpose to their pain, and heal.
During the month of May, deepening your spiritual connection is the theme we are going to explore in my Beacons of Change Inner Circle online community.
If you are ready to get clarity and direction about the next evolution of your spiritual path, check out the Inner Circle community.
I believe that healing together outshines healing alone. Let’s walk this spiritual path together.