Things are normal. You are going through your day smoothly. Then suddenly something happens and you mess up! You make a mistake, maybe even a pretty big one. (At least you think so in the moment.)

You’re shaken up. Maybe your stomach starts to cramp or you begin to hyperventilate. Your hands may be shaking. You are experiencing an anxiety attack.? Anxiety is the body’s natural response to danger, its ?fight or flight? mechanism.? It can be good when it helps you stay alert and focused.? However, stomach cramps, sweating, shortness of breath, and the feeling that you are out of control are symptoms that should not last long after the sudden ?mess up.?

See this physical discomfort as your friend. It is actually a sign that you have been attacked by shame.? After the initial attack, however, you need to recognize the sign, look the shame in the eye and deal with it before it begins to cripple your life.

One of my clients was arrested last week for a traffic violation. She was embarrassed and shocked after spending few hours in a cell. Her shame attack was immediate, but stayed active long after she went back to her normal life.

When we met for our coaching session she shared her story, and together we looked at her situation in an objective way. After she shared the details with me, I asked her what she would say if this was a friend of hers who was feeling this much shame. She said, ?I would tell her to stop being so hard on herself, we all make mistakes.? We’re human, and it sounds like you learned an important lesson, so it is now up to you to move forward.?

?Great!? I said.? ?So how about saying that to yourself??

During our session, talking about her feelings took some of her shame away. I helped her see the positive side and understand the lesson to be learned from her situation. I also helped her take responsibility and own what she did. I had no judgment, only unconditional love towards her, and this helped her shift her feeling from shame to acceptance, and then to action.

When you are undergoing a shame attack, recognize the signs in your body and share your shame with a person you trust who will love you and not judge you, a person who will help you keep perspective. Share with someone who will remind you: This is what you did. It is not who you are.

The Bottom Line: When you are under a shame attack, reach out to a person that can love you unconditionally and remind you of things that you already know.

Ask: What would I say to my best friend if this happened to them?

Affirm: I am good enough; this is who I am, regardless of what I do.