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[Video] How to forgive a negative, difficult family member

by | Be a Change Agent

Hi, Beacon. It’s Michal Spiegelman with this week’s Upshift Vlog. There is this exercise that I always use in my workshops and private work that leads to meaningful breakthroughs. I use this exercise when a woman desires to move forward with her life, but she feels stuck. Through this unique process that I developed, I help her to identify a person from the past who she needs to forgive in order to move forward. Most of the time, the person who comes up through this process is a family member—a mom, dad, brother, or sister who she needs to forgive.

The question is, why is it so hard for us to forgive our family members? First of all, there is a lot of history between us and our family members. Also, those relationships are usually emotionally charged, and the resentment that we carry in the present moment is built upon a resentment that we had in the past.

The thing is that, for us Beacons, it’s extremely important to release resentment because we are a source of light for other people. We need to continue to feed our own light. That’s how we serve. We cannot stay connected with our inner light if we live in resentment. That’s why we really need to do the forgiveness work.

If you’re an empath like me—and all of us are empaths to some extent because we are energetic beings who absorb energy from others—then dealing with a negative person or with a difficult person is also very draining. We give away our power when we deal with a negative person. So it’s really important for us empaths to shift from resentment to forgiveness.

By the way, if you’re not sure if you’re an empath, I encourage you to take my empath quiz and find out because many things are going to make sense to you once you know.

So back to this exercise that always brings results. It’s inner child work. Instead of having two adults dialoguing with each other, we have your inner child dialoguing with the inner child of the person who you resent.

Through this visualization, you look each other in the eyes. You listen. You soften up. You see the innocent heart within the other person. And that’s what makes it easier to move towards forgiveness. It’s not an intellectual process, but it’s really a heart-centered process.

And while I recommend doing the inner child work with a professional, there are two things that you can do by yourself when you’re in conflict with a family member:

  1. Recognize the innocent heart within every negative person, and see their behavior as a cry for help. I really want you to listen to those words. A cry for help. Put yourself in their shoes and come up with some reasons why they behave the way they do. Are they afraid? Are they insecure? Are they limited in their ability to connect emotionally?
  2. Take things less personally. In his incredible book The Four Agreements, don Miguel Ruiz talks about not taking anything personally. You need to remember, and this is huge, that most of the times when you are being disrespected or treated badly by another person, they’re not really doing it to hurt you. Their behavior is simply a reflection of their pain.

So, the next time you have a difficult conversation with a loved one, imagine your inner child talking with that person’s inner child and say (internally), “I see the innocent heart within you, and I know that what you said or what you did is a cry for help. I take it less personally. I forgive you.”

This doesn’t mean that you have to put up with being physically, emotionally, or mentally abused. Your safety always comes first. If you don’t feel safe, you have to set a boundary, and you have to get support.

For empaths and Beacons, it’s super important to stand strong in our boundaries. Compassion with boundaries is how we want to live.

Upshifting Mission of the Week:

Rise above resentment and shift to forgiveness.

And if you want to do some more inner child work, deeper inner child work, you’re always invited to reach out to me and I’ll be happy to talk to you.

Sticky Note of the Week:

I see the innocent heart within you.

I know that what you said

or did is a cry for help.

I take it less personally.

I forgive you.

Write that down. That’s what you want to post in your space and practice as a mantra while connecting emotionally to the inner child of the other person.

So I hope that you got some value from watching this vlog. I’m always interested to know what is going on in your life, and if you have a topic that you would like me to cover in one of the next vlogs, please let me know. In the meantime, SHINE ON! I’m looking forward to seeing you again.

2 Comments

  1. Veronica

    Hi! Would this process work if it was a sibling that just hurt you.Well actually 2 siblings. They are not negative people. This is an incident that happened after we lost our brother July 2018. We lost another brother Oct 2011. This involved both of them, and my two remaining siblings making a decision without my input on something that is very very important. I totally disagreed 100% as this was a decision that both my brothers made very clear in regards to their wishes involving arrangements concerning their ashes.

    The thing is we were all very close in the aspect that we pretty much grew up without our parents. My mother passed when she was 39.Dad not in the picture. Separated. So we grew up living with our Nana. We were all very protective of each other. Never ever any big fights between any of us.
    So it’s really not the same type of problem where someone is always negative. More of a complete shock, in disbelief, feeling outed which also was shocking and just just can’t explain how taken back since we always had each other’s backs.
    It didn’t end well. I have reached out in small gestures but only to get no response from the oldest of the siblings left and my sister responded most of the time but it’s very short and cold. She feels I owe her an apology which totally blows my mind and I am sure my brother is livid with me since I just had to step up and do what was right and let my nephew, Wills son , know and he took my brother Will his dad , totally out of the plan and jet them both know he was upset and felt disrespected that no one said n

    Reply
    • Michal Spiegelman

      Dear Veronica, no wonder that you feel hurt, my dear. You experienced so much loss and you didn’t have a strong and stable childhood. Your pain regarding your sibling’s behavior is deeper because you were always there for each other. You were probably in shock when you realized that they made a decision behind your back.

      Close your eyes. Read the statement I share in this blog and FEEL it in your heart. Imagine yourself saying to your siblings the statement I share in the blog:

      “I see the innocent heart within you, I know that what you said, or did is a cry for help. I take it less personally. I forgive you.”

      Even if you are not able to forgive fully, a little bit of forgiveness will release you from the heaviness and will open the door so new wisdom that will emerge from your inner goddess. Then, you’ll be guided and know what to do next. Please reach out to me privately for additional support at [email protected]

      Reply

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