It happens to all of us. You face a crisis. You go through a big transition. You think that you handle it well. You’re good. For a while. But then you’re not.
Something triggers you. It might not be a big thing. Something that a loved one tells you. A person who reappears in your life. A small crisis that reconnects you with a past pain.
When feeling heartbroken, many people escape to unhealthy habits: overworking, overdoing, or isolating. Others escape to addictions: food, alcohol, drugs. Still others slap on a fake smile and pretend to be happy.
I have done all of the above.
Many years of grief over six lost pregnancies made it easier for me to numb my feelings than to face them. Food became my escape. I stuffed myself with it so I didn’t have to feel the pain.
Fourteen years ago, I lost 90 pounds. But with the weight, I also lost the tendency to numb my feelings. I started to deal with them instead.
Eventually I realized that, though I was healthier than before, I was still only acting like everything was okay. In reality, I was overwhelmed with emotions. The easy way out was to cry internally and smile externally.
Feeling broken inside can take different forms. Most of the time, the people around you have no idea how sad you feel. Your day-to-day routine keeps you functioning.
The question is, how do you want to feel? How do you really want to feel? Do you want to feel broken inside, or do you want to feel better? Darkness and light go hand in hand. To experience true healing, you have to embrace them both.
Below, I share some food for thought for your healing process. It is not just a random list. It is the product of my many years of experience with helping women who feel broken inside, of developing and testing out new ways of healing. All of this advice has proven to be effective.
- When you feel broken inside, pause and connect with your brokenness.
Loving and respecting yourself unconditionally means giving yourself permission to feel broken. Recognizing, feeling, and owning the brokenness. Just make sure not to turn this important stage into your norm. It’s a phase. It needs to have an end point.
- Remember that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
This quote by Haruki Murakami says it all. Feeling pain is not only normal. Feeling pain is healthy. The question is how long you hold on to the pain. If you hold on for too long, then you are choosing to suffer.
- Growth and change don’t happen in a straight line.
Personal growth happens in a spiraling but continuously ascending path, and each spiral leads up to the next. Look at the image for a minute. Even when you drop to the lowest point on a spiral, you are still higher than you were on the previous spiral.
- You’ve come out of the darkness before. You always will.
I get emotional writing these words. This phrase was written by one of my clients. During one of our mentoring sessions, we created a “How to Survive the Dark Times” manual for her to use in times of need. This is the first phrase she wrote in her manual.
- So what if it took you years to become miserable? You can heal faster than you think.
When I asked one of my clients what was the biggest value of the work we did together, she said, “You taught me that change can happen quickly and instantly.”
When you feel broken inside, you are easily triggered by negative energy around you. Once you’re triggered, you automatically shift to a low energy level and give away your power. While the downshift is automatic, the upshift is intentional, and you have the power to create it.
- Tools and support that have worked before might no longer work for you.
The further you get along on your journey, you may find the tools and skills that worked before don’t work the same as they once did. As you move forward on the spiral of personal growth, developing new skills and finding new sources of support might be exactly what you need. Ask yourself: Are you feeling super comfortable, too comfortable, with your current support system? Is what you do now as effective as it used to be?
- You posses the ability to create a turning point every single moment.
Start thinking about, experimenting with, wondering about, and exploring the idea that, not only is every given moment an opportunity to create a turning point, but you deserve to create one.
If you feel broken inside, there is one more thing I want you to know: You are not alone. You don’t need to push through the healing process—to work hard and put in the effort—by yourself.
It is my true passion to help women who feel broken inside to pick themselves up and start an intentional (and not a long one!) upshift in their healing process.
I have allowed other people to help me when I felt totally broken inside.
The process of accepting support saved my life.
Let me help you.
Trust the inner voice inside you—that hopeful, free-spirited voice that believes in your ability to heal. Email me right now before you change your mind. Your true healing will start as soon as you click that link and tell me that you’re ready.
And if you know any other woman who feels broken inside, be at her service and send her this message.