Relationships are meant to nurture us. There are people in our lives who make us smile simply by thinking about them, and there are others who make us feel anxious and concerned at their very thought.
The latter are energy vampires. We all know one. When you identify such a relationship that drains you, evaluate whether you can eliminate it from your life so you can free up your energy.
But what about relationships you don’t want to remove from your life—family members, friends in need, colleagues going through a rough time?
The first step in dealing with energy vampires is to end the blame game and accept responsibility for your role in the vampire game. The truth is that nobody can push your buttons unless you let them.
It takes two to play the vampire game.
Vampires can make you doubt yourself and feel unworthy.
Did I just say, “Make you?” Well…do they really?
The truth is that nobody can force you to think, feel, or do anything.
But you can get unintentionally pulled into an unhealthy dynamic.
When your interactions with someone are out of balance, that person might leave every conversation with you feeling energized and empowered while you end up feeling weak and drained.
If you are a caring person, know this: Empaths Feed Vampires. Many of us beacons are over-caring and tend to take on other people’s pain. This tendency excites vampires!
Remember the Beacons of Change Power Shift model?
While the downshift is automatic, the upshift is intentional and can happen once we accept responsibility for our reactions.
Even if someone has sucked the energy out of you for years, you can still change the way you manage the relationship.
Chances are something in your behavior is feeding the vampire, especially if you are an empath or a super caring person.
It takes more than garlic to repel energy vampires.
Here’s the secret formula.
Taking things personally. Energy vampires have good reasons to suck the energy out of you, including their own insecurity, anxiety, desperation, denial, past trauma, lack of emotional skills, and more. Remember that what they do is not about you. Their behaviors, actions, and feelings are completely their own.
Trying to fix vampires. Forget about having your sensitivity honored. Forget about being right. Trying to change them is not going to work. So stop.
Being so emotionally invested. Dealing with a friend who constantly dumps her negative stuff on you? Don’t get caught in the drama. The magic word is DETACH. Do it as much as you can.
Responding when you don’t feel grounded. Maintain a daily practice that helps to center you. (Mine is Reiki. Try a free Reiki video course here!)
Identifying vampires as early as possible. As soon as you spot a vampire, evaluate a few possible strategies to deal with that person and set an intention to protect your energy.
Staying as neutral and relaxed as possible—even when your buttons are pushed! This one is easier to do when you maintain a daily spiritual practice such as Reiki or have familiarized yourself with tools such as the Let Your Light Shine Meditation.
Shifting your focus from trying to change vampires to staying in your power. One of the women in my Beacons of Change Inner Circle phrased it perfectly: “Keep your bubble strong and your vibration up!”
Acknowledging what they say and validating the way they feel. This is one of the most effective tools for dealing with energy vampires. First, say something to acknowledge that you heard the person, such as, “It makes so much sense that you’re angry because you are frustrated with the situation.” Then, pause to let her accept your acknowledgment and respond to you. It will weaken any vampire’s defenses.
Creating scripts to help you respond. It’s best to limit the amount of communication you have with energy vampires. But if you must communicate with them, prepare and practice a short script in advance:
“Let me stop you for a second. I want to listen to you, but I only have 5 minutes and then I have to go.”
“I know you’re frustrated, and it’s really understandable that you are. My approach is a little different. May I share it with you?”
“When you keep saying…it makes me feel…so I prefer that we talk when I feel better.”
“Thank you for telling me. I know that you are trying to help. But when I feel judged and criticized, it’s hard for me to hear what you say”.
If you keep finding yourself in relationships that drain you, or if there is one relationship in your life that has sucked the energy out of you for years, trust your ability to manage the relationship better once you get the right support.
If you are interested in joining a group of women who are working together to stop giving away their power and to keep their vibration high, join my online Inner Circle sisterhood, and let’s create the change you’ve been craving—together.