Hi, Beacon, and welcome to my new vlog. Recently, I have had conversations with a few women about their emotions and how they feel so sad or so angry. One woman told me her rage goes from zero to 60 in one minute. Having these conversations made me realize that it was time to deliver a message about how to control your emotions.
We’re all familiar with the concept of controlling our emotions instead of allowing our emotions to control us. People ask me all the time during Reiki classes and workshops, “How can I better control my emotions?” For example, let’s say you didn’t get a job you really wanted, and instead of feeling better over time, you just get sadder and sadder. Or you lose a loved one, go through a health crisis, or simply take on other people’s pain, and it just makes you feel heavier and heavier. You’re angry. You’re frustrated. You’re sad.
There is nothing wrong with feeling sad. There is nothing wrong with feeling angry. I want to talk to you about the Beacons of Change formula for controlling your emotions. It’s called the RFR Formula.
I recently wrote about this formula in my article, “How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Negativity.” It’s an article I wrote especially for empaths and people who are highly sensitive.
RFR stands for “Recognize it, Feel it, Release it.” First you recognize the emotion, then you feel it because you know that “you need to feel it to heal it,” and then you release it.
Let’s focus on the last R, the part where you release the emotion because that part is really important. To start controlling your emotions, you need to release your emotions. So the solution is for you to accept responsibility for releasing your emotions. If you’re sad, you can choose not to get sadder. If you’re angry, you can choose not to go to rage. If you experience fear, you can choose not to go to anxiety. There is a difference between feeling sad and being depressed. There is a difference between facing fear and getting anxious. You can intentionally choose to shift from one state to another.
When I herniated a disc in my back around three years ago, I was in a lot of pain. I sat with the pain, and I gave myself lots of Reiki. I also gave myself permission to feel lighter, hopeful, and optimistic. I remember being in so much pain that I could easily have let it become the center of each day and to just expect the pain to be present all the time.
But every time I gave myself Reiki, it helped me to be more present in the moment and to realize that I could be in pain and still be hopeful, that I could be in pain and still be optimistic. Releasing emotions is really about the choices that you make about how you want to feel, regardless of what’s going on for you in your body or around you.
Even when I experienced this emotional shift with my herniated disc, it wasn’t perfect. I had my moments; I had my days when I was negative, and I was not hopeful.
I’m sure that you are familiar with the Beacons of Change Four Models of Change. One of the four models is the spiral of personal growth.
If you think about all those examples I gave of times you might really be feeling stuck in hurt, anger, and sadness, then you can see how easy it can be to spiral down so that you are immersed in the negative emotion. You can get depressed instead of being sad. You can be enraged rather than mad. But once you accept responsibility for feeling the way you want to feel, you can catch yourself and reverse the spiral.
Even when you allow yourself to spiral down, catch yourself as early as possible, and deliberately change the direction of the spiral so that you start to spiral up.
That’s really what you do when you want to release an emotion: catch it and deliberately change the direction of the spiral. I mentioned using Reiki earlier simply because I live and breathe Reiki. You know, Reiki is part of my being really. So in our Reiki level one manual, we talk about the Reiki principles, or the Reiki ideals. The first two principles that we live by are that just for today we will not worry and we will not be angry.
And that’s really the release. It’s okay to feel angry. It’s okay to worry. I can’t even tell you how many times I catch myself worrying. So many times. I’m a worrier, for sure. But it’s about catching yourself when you spiral down and then reversing the flow. Just like we learn from the Reiki principles.
So, a few questions for you:
What are a few recent situations where you allowed your emotions to control you?
Picture yourself in the midst of a recent situation where you allowed yourself to spiral down (or maybe you’re in the middle of a down spiral now.) How do you feel about leaving the down spiral?
If you feel okay about feeling the pain of the downward spiral, then stay there. You’re the only one who knows if it’s really for your highest good now to change the direction of the spiral or if you need to sit with the down spiral a little longer. Remember the first R and F of the formula. Don’t skip those steps. You need to recognize and feel the emotions before you release them. Ask yourself, am I spiraling down too much? Is it time for me to reverse the spiral? Is it time for me to release the emotions?
Upshifting Mission of the Week:
When you spiral down emotionally, catch yourself as early as possible. Then deliberately reverse the direction of the spiral.
Whenever I create a new vlog for you, I come up with a short tip for you to write on a sticky note, so you can form a collection of sticky notes to remind you of tools you can use to upshift.
Sticky Note of the Week:
I catch myself early,
and I reverse my emotional spiral.
Play with this idea of the power that you have, the choice you can make to accept responsibility for choosing to be sad but not sadder; angry but not enraged; scared but not anxious.
As Beacons, you and I, people like us, we live with a light connection, and we have the ability to intentionally upshift.
The conversations I have with you and the feedback you give me really keeps me going. So I would love to hear from you about what spoke to you the most from my message today. What is your relationship with controlling your emotions or allowing your emotions to control you? I appreciate you being here, and I’m looking forward to seeing you next time.