We change, we grow, we work on our issues, we take responsibility for our actions, but at the end of the day (or the end of the week, month, year) we still look back and notice what we could have done better. We end up paying attention to ours faults rather than our successes.

It is very natural for our mind to criticize and judge. People tend to look at the negative before looking at the positive.

On top of that, we set unrealistic expectations on ourselves, like wanting to be 100% perfect 24/7.

All those tendencies create a constant feeling of disappointment, frustration, and guilt.

We are out of balance.

Our expectations and our reactions throw us off balance.

How do we fix?? We can see it our life as a process. We can look at our progress rather than expect perfection.

One of my clients this week, let’s call her Joyce, had a few days of effective and supportive communication with her husband. She was able to communicate in a kind and compassionate way and she thanked him for his support. Over the weekend, they had a fight and went back to their old behavior of creating conflict, each trying to ?win the war?.

When she shared her frustration with me, I suggested that she choose a new perspective for this week:

What do I want to have more of, and what do I want to have less of?

With this new approach in mind, she realized they were already having more of the new, positive communication and less of the old, negative one.

This is a success and needs to be seen as such! Most of the week was better than before, even if the old behavior persisted for some of it.

Look at your life from a different perspective and set up realistic expectations:

I want to have more of?? and less of?.

The Bottom Line: Instead of expecting yourself to be perfect, plan to have more of the new, positive behavior and less of the old, negative one

Ask: What do I want more of, and what do I want less of?

Affirm: I want to have more X and less Y and I allow myself to take steps for success