I’m not a relationship expert. I’m a balance expert. But I know from my own experience and from my readers and my clients, how improving your relationship is part of living a balanced life. Here are my top four ?Do more in relationships? and my top four ?Do less in relationships? that have brought great results to both me and my clients.

Do more:

1. Spend time together ? just the two of you. If you feel that there is never enough time to do everything you want to do, you are right: there is never enough time unless you make the time. It’s very simple. If you get caught up with work, kids and other responsibilities, you’re choosing to place your relationships at the end of your list. Schedule time in your calendar (after consulting with your spouse of course) for fun time together. Sit together and agree on the best way for the two of you: blocking time in your calendars twice a week? Getting a sitter every Saturday night? Book tickets for movies and shows in advance? Plan a romantic vacation? Don’t make your spouse do it (especially if you’re a woman…). See how both of you can make it work. Share with them why this is important for you.
2. PBS ? Pause, Breath, Smile. When you’ve finally made the time to be together, use one of my favorite ?Be in the moment? techniques: create a relaxed, in-the-moment space where you connect, your share and you feel. How do you transition the from craziness of life to an effortless being in the moment? By ?PBSing?. You pause (gives you time to step back and observe), you breath (helps you to automatically connect to the moment) and smile (helps you to change your posture, your attitude and release tension).
3. Be loving and intimate. Remember how it was when you first met? How about reliving it today? Give affection to your partner instead of expecting them to give first. Hug. Kiss. Touch. Greet them when they come home. Smile at them. Cuddle in bed together. Be the first one!
4. Communicate. Whatever it is: talk about it. Whenever you can: ask questions. Do you resent your partner for something? Share how you feel and ask him ? with lots of curiosity ? what happened? Share your feelings instead of blaming or criticizing them.? Always think before you talk: how can I phrase it as a question so they don’t feel attacked? Here are some examples of questions:

• I’m curious to know how you felt after our conversation last night
• What went through your head when you said that?
• What are some ideas you have around?

And one more thing about communication ? acknowledge them as much as you can. Especially if you’re planning a tough conversation; acknowledge them first and then ask lots of questions.

Do less:

1. Stop focusing on what they do that drives you crazy and focus on what you like about them. Who were they when you fell in love? What were their gifts and attributes? They are still the same person. Change you focus and you’ll see that.
2. Control and fix them. The only person you can control and fix is yourself. Stop controlling them and trying to fix them. Remember that when you point your finger towards somebody, blaming them for something they have done, there are three other fingers left pointing towards yourself. Most of the times, we tend to blame others instead of cleaning our side of the street. Look at your side. How can you fix it? Share with your partner what you are willing to change instead of demanding them to change their part.
3. Expect them to read your mind, understand your needs and know what you want.
4. Expect them to be perfect 100% of the times 24/7. Are you????

My only other advice to you is- allow yourself to take small steps. Look at the above list and prioritize what you want to start with, what you feel comfortable starting with. Choose one ?more? item and one ?less? item for this week. When it works, add other items.

Would you like me to hold you accountable?

Email me your personalized list and your commitment for this week.

Please write in the subject line: ?My personalized do more ? do less list? so I can easily find your email between the tons of emails I get every day. I promise to email you back within 24 hours and give your feedback.